


Open Arms

by Insert Witty Username Here (Insert_Witty_Username_Here)



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29664432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insert_Witty_Username_Here/pseuds/Insert%20Witty%20Username%20Here
Summary: When everything falls apart, Leslie finds comfort in Ann's arms.A oneshot for the prompt "Leslie has a panic attack and Ann comforts her."
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ann Perkins
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Open Arms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AliceMayWrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceMayWrite/gifts).



> TW: Anxiety/Panic attacks.
> 
> For Alice. Because she's awesome <3

"Jerry" Ann looked up after hearing a gentle tap on her open office door and was surprised to see him standing in the doorway, "can I help you?" 

"No, not really" Ann's frown grew, "it's Leslie, I haven't spoken to her but she doesn't seem herself, I know you and her are good friends so I thought I'd mention it to you, she probably wouldn't appreciate me checking in on her but she might talk to you." 

Ann nodded and forced a smile, her confusion about Jerry being in her office suddenly replaced with concern for Leslie, "thank you, I'll go talk to her." She waited for Jerry to leave before locking her computer and heading for the parks & recreation department, but Leslie was nowhere to be seen, nobody knew where she was and, unusually for Leslie, her phone was still on her desk, usually she took it everywhere just in case she was needed for an emergency. Ann left a note on her desk and she sent a text to Leslie's phone, letting her know she'd come to say hi, that she missed her and that she loved her. 

Leslie meanwhile had locked herself in a little used store cupboard on the third floor, it was a place she often went to when she needed space, she was pretty sure everyone else had forgotten it existed but Leslie didn't mind that. It was quiet and she knew nobody would find her, and sometimes that was all she needed. She didn't know what was wrong with her, she'd woken with a weight in the pit of her stomach, a weight she hadn't been able to shift, in fact, if anything, it had only increased. She felt like there was a tight band around her stomach that was beginning to stretch up into her chest, crushing her ribcage and making it hard to breathe. She was Leslie 'Fucking' Knope. She shouldn't be hiding away in store cupboards. She slid down the wall once the door was locked, knees curled to her chest as she desperately tried to slow her breathing. Why couldn't she do it? Why couldn't she breathe? It wasn't hard, she'd been managing just fine her whole life so why did it seem so hard now? She found herself wondering how long it would take someone to find her if she died, nobody had ever found this room before, she could die in here and never be found. Those thoughts didn't help, her breath now coming in short gasps, her lungs burning as she desperately tried to fill them with air. 

It took her a while but eventually Leslie managed to calm herself down, she managed to stop herself imagining her own dead body in this very closet and instead forced herself to think of something nicer. She thought of Ann, her beautiful, radiant sunflower, the woman she'd been dating for just a few short months, the woman who had infinitely changed Leslie's life for the better. She made herself imagine a standard evening since she'd moved into Ann's house, tried to remember the smell of Ann's shampoo as her head rested on her shoulder, tried to imagine how it would feel to have Ann's fingers running through her hair. She needed Ann, she knew just the presence of the other woman would help calm her down, but she couldn't tell her, she couldn't bother Ann with something as stupid as this, no. She just needed to get herself together and deal with it. 

Ann had been asked to cover an early shift at the hospital that morning, so they'd both used their own cars to get to work, and by the time Leslie had calmed herself down to even consider returning to work it was 4.30, so she decided to do something she'd never done before and leave early. As often happened when she wasn't around, Leslie found the office empty, and for once she was grateful for that, so she grabbed her things and slipped out through the door that led into the courtyard. Ron hadn't looked up from whatever he'd been focused on at his desk, so Leslie assumed he hadn't seen her, she didn't care though, she couldn't stay here, she needed to leave, needed to get away. She could already feel her chest beginning to tighten again and she wanted to get home before the black cloud looming over her head consumed her. 

If you'd ask, Leslie couldn't remember any of the fifteen minute drive back to the house she now shared with Ann, and, as she pulled onto the driveway, she genuinely didn't know if she had the energy to make it into the house. She knew she had to though, she didn't want the neighbours seeing her like this and she definitely didn't want Ann seeing her like this. She managed to make it to the front door, struggling to steady her shaking hands long enough to get her key in the lock, but once the door closed behind her, her final wall broke, she slumped against the wall, gasping for breath, her chest tight and her legs feeling like jelly beneath her. 

Ann knew Leslie was never ready to leave on time, so despite her worry, she forced herself to stay in her office until 5.05 when she decided to go see if Leslie was ready to leave, she knew they'd arrived and would be leaving in seperate cars but she still wanted them to leave together. "If you're looking for your wife" she bumped into Ron in the corridor, despite the two of them keeping their relationship quiet, he knew what was going on in his department. 

"Leslie isn't my wife, we…" 

"Whatever" Ron waved her off, "she left about thirty minutes ago, she didn't look good. I won't pretend to care about your personal lives, but if she needs to take tomorrow off, tell her not to come in." Ron didn't wait for Ann to reply before he walked off, as far as he was concerned, it was past 5pm, he wasn't working anymore so he wanted to leave this godforsaken building as quickly as he could. 

Now Ann was really worried about her partner and she almost sprinted out to the parking lot, finding Leslie the only thought in her head as she sped home. Luckily the traffic wasn't as bad as Ann feared and, not caring about the speed limits, she managed to make it home in less time than usual, pulling onto the driveway and racing into the house, she didn't know if she'd locked her car, wasn't even certain she'd closed the door behind her, but she didn't care, she needed to know Leslie was okay. She tried to calm herself down as she walked into the house, Leslie's car was here, that meant Leslie was here and that was a positive, whatever was going on, at least Leslie was at home. "Leslie, I'm home" Ann got no response, "Leslie, are you here?" again Ann's voice was met with silence and the worry she'd just dismissed began to rise again. 

Leslie was so lost in her head that she didn't hear Ann calling her. She needed it to stop. She needed everything to stop. The room was spinning around her and all she could hear was the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. She was drowning, she didn't know how or what in, but she knew she was drowning and there was no way she could save herself. 

Ann's own heart was racing too as she found each room of the house empty, but she let out a sigh of relief when she threw open the bedroom door to see a Leslie shaped lump underneath the covers. "Leslie" she got no response, "Leslie?" Ann pulled back the covers, she wasn't sure what she was expecting, but she certainly wasn't expecting to find Leslie still fully dressed, shoes still on her feet, curled into a ball, eyes glazed over and tears wet on her cheeks as she struggled for breath. She had to stay calm, Ann recognised the panic attack and she knew that she needed to stay calm so she could calm Leslie down. "Hey" she said softly as she knelt on the floor, not wanting to scare Leslie, "I don't know if you can hear me right now but I think you're having a panic attack Leslie, it's scary and it won't feel good, but you're safe, you're safe and you won't feel like this forever, if you can, I need you to try and slow your breathing, a lot of the things you're feeling right now you're feeling because you're breathing too quickly, you're taking in more oxygen than you need but that's okay, we can fix it, you just need to try and take some nice deep breaths Leslie, nothings going to hurt you, I'm going to stay with you, you're at home and you're safe."

Ann kept repeating her mantra, reminding Leslie over and over that she was safe, she wasn't going to leave her and that she needed to try and slow her breathing. "A, A…" eventually it worked and her voice broke through to Leslie, but the look of panic on Leslie's face broke her heart. 

"Hey you" Ann smiled softly, "you're okay, you're just having a panic attack, it'll stop, you won't feel like this forever" she tried to keep her voice cheerful, as worried as she was about Leslie, she tried to stay calm in the hopes that Leslie wouldn't pick up on her worry. 

Leslie didn't know what happened, but suddenly she could hear something, it almost sounded like an echo in her head, an echo getting louder and louder until she realised what it was, it was Ann. If anyone could save her it would be Ann, and she blindly reached out, crying out for her, needing someone to drag her out of the pit she was being sucked deeper into. She panicked when she couldn't get her words out, what if Ann left? What if she couldn't save her? What if she didn't know just how much Leslie needed her help. 

"I'm here" Ann took Leslie's hand when it was thrust towards her, kissing her knuckles and stroking the back of her hand, "can you breathe with me Leslie? Nice deep breaths, in and out, all you need to do is breathe with me." She held Leslie's hand against her chest so she could feel it rise and fall with each breath she took, "that's it Leslie, you're doing so well, you just keep breathing, you're doing great, I'm so proud of you." Leslie's breathing was still strangled and erratic but Ann could tell she was trying, she was getting through to Leslie and she wanted Leslie to know she'd noticed her efforts. 

It felt like a lifetime passed before Leslie's breathing slowed to a rate Anne would be happy with, "Ann" Leslie whimpered, beginning to cry again, she still felt confused and disorientated, "Ann." 

"Shh" Ann reached out, wiping Leslie's tears and kissing her forehead, "you're okay, it's over, you did really well."

"I, I…" 

"You don't need to talk, you don't need to try to explain, you just keep breathing." Ann kept running her fingers through Leslie's hair for a while, hoping the repetitive motion would soothe Leslie. "Let's get you a little more comfortable and then I'll join you in bed yeah?" she slipped off Leslie's shoes first, gently massaging her feet for a few minutes before helping her out of her trousers and her blazer, leaving her in just her shirt and underwear. She didn't leave Leslie's sight as she slipped off her own jeans, only stepping away to walk round to the empty side of the bed. 

Leslie didn't think she had the energy to roll over but that didn't matter to Ann, she shuffled as close to Leslie as she could and wrapped her arms around her, kissing her shoulder and telling her, "I love you so much Leslie, you are strong and brave, and you are so, so loved."

"I, I…" 

"Take your time" Ann kissed Leslie's shoulder again, slipping her hand under Leslie's shirt to rub circles on her stomach, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I feel like I'm going to pass out".

"Do you feel lightheaded?" Ann asked. 

Leslie nodded, "and my fingers…" she wiggled them slightly, not sure how long they'd felt all tingly. 

"That's okay, they're both common after a panic attack, just keep taking nice deep breaths and you'll start to feel better, and when you're ready, I'll go and get you a glass of water too so you don't get dehydrated."

"Wh, when I'm ready?" Leslie's words still caught in her chest, still struggling to regulate her breathing.

"When you're ready" Ann repeated, "I'm going to stay with you, right here, and I'm not going to go anywhere until you're ready for me to go. And when I do go, I will go to the kitchen, get you a glass of water and come straight back, you're not going to be on your own, I'll be right here." Ann knew they needed to talk, she wanted to know what had caused Leslie's panic attack but she also knew now wasn't the time, now was the time for Leslie to stay calm, to try and rest after her panic attack, talking would come later. She was definitely going to try to talk Leslie into taking Ron's offer of a day off, and she'd take the day off too, but that could be sorted later, for now Leslie needed to rest. 

Eventually Leslie's breathing calmed enough that Ann wondered if the blonde had fallen asleep. The feel of Leslie shuffling in her arms told her she was wrong though and, although it felt like it took far more effort than it should have, Leslie rolled over to face Ann, "hello you" Ann wiped at Leslie's tears before kissing her gently, "how are you doing?" 

"I, I'm sorry, I don't know, I, I…" another tear rolled down Leslie's cheeks, her brain felt like it was melted and she was struggling to focus on anything.

"It's okay" Ann's hand now rested on Leslie back under her shirt, gently tracing patterns on her bare skin, hoping her touch would help keep Leslie grounded. "You don't need to apologise to me, you had a panic attack Leslie and I can only imagine how scary that was for you, but I'm here and you're safe, whatever happens, I'm not going to leave you."

"I…" Leslie shook her head as more tears began to fall. Ann didn't say anything, she just held Leslie close and let her cry, she didn't know what was going on with her girlfriend, but whatever it was, it appeared she'd been holding it in for far too long and she needed to let it out. She didn't even tell her she was okay, she just held her in her arms until she was done. "I'm so sorry Ann" she whispered. 

"You've got nothing to be sorry for Leslie. You're allowed to have emotions, you're allowed to have feelings. You put so, so much pressure on yourself Leslie, and I know you want to be perfect, you have so much drive and ambition and I love that about you, but you put yourself under an immense amount of pressure and you invite other people to do the same. You've been carrying that whole department for so long Leslie, but that's at work, once we're home, when it's just the two of us, there's no pressure, you can be whoever you need to be in this house, I will love you if you're angry. I will love you if you're happy, I will love you if you're crying in my arms. You don't have to pretend in this house, once that door closes you're just Leslie and I'm absolutely okay with that."

"Ann" Leslie whimpered. 

Ann kissed Leslie's forehead and, once again, swiped away tears with her thumbs, saying nothing about the mascara sat on Leslie's cheekbones, "why don't you try and get some sleep?" she said softly, "you might feel a little better if you can get some rest."

"A, are you…" 

"I'm not going anywhere Beautiful, you get some rest and I'll be here when you wake up" she kissed Leslie's nose, "I promise." 

Leslie didn't sleep for long, she never did, it was the one and only thing Ann would change about her partner if she could, she'd change the fact she never seemed to get enough rest, she'd keep pushing herself, running on empty until she crashed, then she'd sleep for close to 24 hours and then start running herself down again. "I need to pee" she mumbled, her words half swallowed by a yawn after Ann asked her if she was okay.

"Okay, let's get you to the bathroom" Ann was surprised by how much of Leslie's weight she was supporting on the short walk to the bathroom. She helped Leslie onto the toilet before kissing her nose and telling her, "I'll be right back." She wanted to give Leslie a little privacy in the bathroom but she also wanted to get her changed into something more comfortable and, from how wobbly Leslie had been, she figured it would be easier to do that before she got back into bed. 

Ann knocked gently on the bathroom door before pushing it open, smiling softly as she saw Leslie still sat on the toilet, her elbows on her knees, her head held in her hand, "Ann" Leslie whispered. 

"I'm here" she held out the clothes in her hand, "I just went to get you some pyjamas so you'd be more comfortable." Leslie didn't argue, she just nodded and allowed Ann to dress her. Ann started by slipping soft fuzzy socks onto Leslie's feet before taking off her underwear and guiding her feet into her pyjama pants. She helped Leslie out of her shirt and bra, replacing it with an old, faded, tshirt before grabbing a washcloth, running it under the tap and carefully cleaning Leslie's face of the make up she'd worn that morning, making sure to get all the mascara smudged across her cheeks. Finally she combed through Leslie's hair and pulled it back from her face in a neat ponytail before kissing her nose, "okay?" 

Leslie nodded, "you're too good to me Ann." 

"No I'm not" Ann helped Leslie to her feet, "I know if this was the other way round you'd do exactly the same for me, so, let's get you back in bed and then I'll get you some toast and water."

Ann practical had to carry Leslie back to bed, but eventually she got her tucked back under the covers, Leslie looked exhausted and Ann only hoped she'd sleep all night, but if one thing was certain, neither of them would be going to work the next morning, and, Leslie's panic attack had been so severe that Ann hoped she'd be able to talk Leslie into seeing a doctor too, she had no idea if this had happened to Leslie before but she definitely didn't want it to happen again. 

Leslie didn't know what was happening. She felt like her body was made of lead and every movement took more energy than she possessed, but at the same time she felt empty, like she would be blown away by the slightest breeze. She hated this, hated that Ann was having to take care of her. Ann. Her beautiful Ann. What had she done to deserve her? What would she have done without her? The thought of facing this alone made her breath catch in her chest and she had to force herself to focus on her breathing, trying to imagine Ann's voice in her head encouraging her, reassuring her as she fought to do what should be her most natural instinct. 

"Leslie?" Ann frowned when she came back into the bedroom to find Leslie slumped against the headboard, her eyes closed and her breath uneven, "Leslie, look at me please." 

It took a moment but eventually Leslie opened her eyes and tipped her head towards Ann, "I…" everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, she felt like she was wading through treacle and she hated that, she just wanted this to stop. 

"I thought you'd passed out" Ann sighed in relief, shaking her head when Leslie went to speak, "don't apologise, it's not your fault." 

"I, I made you worry about me."

"I always worry about you" Ann smiled softly, "it's because I love you." She placed the tray she was carrying on Leslie's knee, "do you need help?" she asked when she saw Leslie's hand shake when she reached for the glass of water. "Okay" she sat on the edge of the bed, placing her hand over Leslie's to help steady her as she sipped at the water "try and eat something" she said softly, kissing Leslie's temple when she'd finished drinking, "it'll help you feel better."

Ann changed into her own pyjamas before joining Leslie in bed, picking up the sandwich she'd made herself as Leslie nibbled at her toast. It took a while but eventually Leslie managed to finish a full slice, she could feel it sitting heavy in her stomach but she didn't say anything, she didn't want Ann to worry, didn't want Ann to know that she hadn't eaten her lunch either, so Leslie knew she had to eat something, she only hoped she could keep it down. 

Ann didn't bother taking the tray away once they'd eaten, she just moved it to the floor so she could wrap her arms around Leslie, feeling the blonde nuzzle into her, "what happened earlier" Ann said quietly as she trailed her fingers over Leslie's cheek, "has it happened before?" Leslie mumbled something into her shoulder, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." 

"Never as bad as that." Leslie thought about lying to Ann but she didn't have the energy. 

"Okay" Ann hated the thought of Leslie trying to hide her anxiety, to deal with her panic attacks alone. "I saw Ron on my way out of City Hall. He told me if you need to take tomorrow off then you could. I know you don't like taking time off work, but I think you should take him up on that, I think we should both take the day off and, if you'd let me, I'd like to make you an appointment to see someone."

"Okay" Ann was glad Leslie had agreed, but the fact she'd agreed so easily didn't sit right with Ann, she didn't say anything though, she just kissed her head and told her that she loved her. "I'm so tired Ann, I, everything feels so heavy and so, so hard." 

Ann kissed Leslie's temple, "close your eyes. There's nothing for you to do right now, try and sleep, you've been running on empty for so long Leslie, even if it's just for tonight, you get some rest and let me take care of you." 

"I love you so much Ann, so, so much." 

"I love you too" Ann smiled as she carefully moved down the bed so they were both laying down, "make yourself comfortable and close your eyes." Leslie did as Ann asked, settling with her head on Ann's shoulder, her arm draped over her stomach and, with a quiet sigh, she let her eyes close, but they quickly shot open when she heard Ann quietly beginning to sing to her. 

"Ann" Leslie wanted to cry, she and Ann hadn't been dating for long when she'd heard Ann singing to herself in the shower, but when she'd commented on how good her voice was, Ann had blushed, quietly thanked her and Leslie had never heard her sing again, until now. "You, you don't sing." 

"No, not usually, but I'll do anything for you My Love, if it helps you sleep then I'll sing to you all night."

Leslie sighed quietly and settled back down against Ann, slipping her and under Ann's shirt, her fingers rubbing circles on the soft skin of Ann's stomach, "I love you Ann, I don't know what I did to deserve you, but whatever it is, I'm glad I did it." 

Ann kissed Leslie's hair, "you loved me, you love me. That's more than enough." 

"Thank you" Leslie whispered, "I know I'm not easy but…" 

"No, you're not easy" Ann agreed, "but you are perfect, you are the love of my life Leslie Knope and, no, things might not always be easy, but being with you is so, so worth it, things might be hard sometimes, but the fact that, even in those hard times, I have you beside me, that's all that matters."

"Mmm" Ann could tell Leslie was beginning to fall asleep so she kissed her temple and started singing to her again, not stopping until she felt Leslie's body melt against hers, a quiet snore giving away the fact that she'd given in and fallen asleep. 

Ann was surprised that Leslie slept right through the night, not only did she not wake up, but she didn't move either, she was still curled into Ann's side, snoring quietly in her ear. Ann had held Leslie close after she'd fallen asleep, not allowing herself to fall asleep until she was sure Leslie wasn't going to wake again. "You are so beautiful Leslie Knope, beautiful and perfect and I am so lucky to have you" she whispered.

By the time Leslie woke, Ann had called Ron to let him know that she and Leslie would both be taking the day off, and she'd called Leslie's doctor and made her an appointment, not wanting to give Leslie chance to change her mind. 

"What time is it?!" Leslie sat up suddenly as she woke. 

Ann smiled and gently tugged Leslie back down to lay with her, "it's just before nine" she moved in to kiss her but Leslie sat back up. 

"What, no, I have to…" 

"You have to lay back down" Ann took Leslie's hand to stop her getting out of bed, "we spoke about this last night" she wrapped her arms and legs around Leslie as she laid back down, kissing her lips as she told her "we're both going to take the day off, we're going to have a quiet, lazy morning, and then at lunch time, I've made you an appointment to see your doctor." 

"Ann, no, I…" 

"I know this is scary Leslie, but what happened yesterday must have been scary too." 

"Yeah" Leslie couldn't look Ann in the eye "I've had panic attacks before but they've never lasted that long before." 

"How long were you home for before I got back."

Leslie shrugged and sighed, "I don't know but it, it started at work" she fiddled with the hem of Ann's top. 

"It started at… Leslie, why didn't you call me? I could have been with you, you didn't have to go through that on your own."

"It's okay" Leslie shrugged, "there's a cupboard I use when I need to get away from everything and… it's fine."

"No Leslie, it isn't fine, you don't have to try and hide this, not from me, and by going to your doctor, we can work towards making sure days like yesterday don't happen again or certainly that they don't happen as frequently or as severely."

"We?"

"We" Ann nodded, linking her fingers with Leslie's, "because I'm not going anywhere okay, you've got me and we'll do this together. Whatever you need, I'm here." 


End file.
